Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
