All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
