it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
