sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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