I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
