I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
