My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
