i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
