But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
