Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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