can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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