You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
