i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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