Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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