How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
