I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
