I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
