it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
