I'm eating all of the evidence.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need water and some morals
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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