you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
