You're so nebulous sometimes
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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