Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool

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(850): View more from Florida

We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.

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(513): View more from Ohio

i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky

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(417): View more from Missouri

Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable

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(313): View more from Michigan

She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.

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(863): View more from Florida

I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

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(314): View more from Missouri

he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs

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