Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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