Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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