i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
