just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The air taste purple.
Randomize
