video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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