he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
