The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
