that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
