Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
