i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
