After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
