allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
