Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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