she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I bet he comes in French.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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