There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he puts the penis in happiness.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
