i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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