But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
