My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
