I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
