thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
