Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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