made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
