the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
