Just fell off a train. Bad.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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