cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
