Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize