his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
