sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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