I wanna bring you to show and tell
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
