I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
