Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
