Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
