oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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