you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
