True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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