fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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