the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
