Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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