is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we're so committed to being not committed
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
