I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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