all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
