Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize