How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
