i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
